Blogging the Mets...

Here’s a running blog on the Mets/Rockies game tonight at Coors Field. The matchup pits Pedro Martinez against the immoral Ubaldo Jimenez of the 1-10 or something like it record. No relation to the Jimenez who threw a no-hitter at Coors Field during my younger, thinner and no beer years. I’m watching the game on SNY, the Mets network. The same network which the now departed Willie Randolph accused of airing unflattering pictures of him during game. Too bad SNY couldn’t block out the unflattering things everyone said about Willie in the newspaper, on sports radio and at my breakfast table. It’ll be the dog and I watching the game – now that’s true love. I’ll only miss a few pitches if need be – the beer is around the corner in the garage refrigerator.

7:38 pm: Interview with David Wright. Crash Davis must have taught him on how to give interviews. It’s amazing how many clichés he can use in each answer. “We just need to play good baseball.” “We can’t relax … we need to play consistent baseball.” “You can’t try to do too much.” Absolutely magnificent David, you just gave a 10-minute interview and said a lot, but never said anything that could be construed as an opinion.

7: 44 pm: Randy Myers is in the studio. He’s wearing a trucker hat and a green denim like shirt. 347 career saves, third among lefties all time. “We were taught to always improve.” Well, gee wiz. And he’s wearing camo pants. Lee Mazilli is now telling us how Randy used to polish bee-bees in the locker room. This interview is asinine. I’m learning nothing. And getting a headache. If Lee Mazilli gets to manage another big league team named the Mets, I’m going to personally find and castigate (look up the word, not castrate, you idiot) Jeff Wilpon and Omar Minaya.

7:51 pm: Trot Nixon, New York Met leftfielder. Oh yeah, this team could win a division.

8:06 pm: Luis Castillo bats second. They should fine him a hundred dollars every time he hits a fly ball.

8:07 pm: First pitch to Jose, Jose, Jose. Balls one and two.

8:08 pm: Triple for Reyes down the left field line. Most exciting play in baseball? If not, darn close.

8:09 pm: Short fly ball by Castillo on first pitch. Damn him. Reyes scores, doesn’t slide. Nearly out. D. Wright doesn’t tell Reyes to slide. Ron Darling dissects it all. I love the Hawaiian.

8:16 pm: Pedro hit 88 on the gun! Call the president! Call the media! Hell, just pray his shoulder doesn’t fall off. And now 92! In the words of Phil Rizzuto, “Holy Cow!”

8:22 pm: Pedro pitching into trouble. He won’t make it into the sixth inning. I’ll bet you a beer.

8:23 pm: Pedro picked Jeff Baker off second. Pedro is like Henry Rollengardner once his arm heals and he doesn’t have a fastball anymore.

8:30 pm: Mets go down one-two-three. Dog licks crotch. My thoughts exactly.

8:42 pm: Miss entire inning due to the precocious dog needing to pee. Pedro is setting the Rockies down. Almost beginning to think that I might owe you all a beer. Good thing only two people read this. Two on a good day.

8:43 pm: Jimenez was 0 for 39. Swings late, base hit to right field. Okay, maybe you will owe me a beer.

8:45 pm: Chavez doubles Jimenez off first base. Inning over. I’ll refrain from owing beer comments until the fifth inning.

8:48 pm: I love Sam’s Summer Ale. It’s just a good beer. Luis Castillo walks. He has the lowest percentage of pitches swung at of any player in baseball. Who sits down and keeps these statistics? And where can I access them on an hourly basis?

8:54 pm: Graphic flashes showing Delgado is hitting under .200 with RISP. Men are on first and third, one out. He promptly raps into a double play. Thanks for the graphic SNY!

9:00 pm: Pedro has stuck out Matt Holliday twice tonight. As the high school kids say: OMFG.

9:15 pm: Pedro gives up back-to-back home runs. And the Mets announcers were talking about shut outs at Coors Field. I don’t believe in jinxes, but I think they jinxed it.

9:21 pm: Another double, followed by a strike out. Pitcher is up. Not bunting. Slaps it into hole for infield single. Well, I doubt I’m going to owe you all a … oh never mind. Mets playing infield halfway. Base hit. 3-1 Rocks. Can I turn game off now?

9:25 pm: 4-1 Colorado. Jeff Baker is raking right now. And he’s hitting on 3-0. And raking. My blood pressure is rising.

9:27 pm: 2 run single by Holliday. Jerry, go get HIM! Again, as the high school kids say: OMFG.

9:33 pm: Inning finally over. What makes Matt Holiday a good base runner? Because he’s 8 of 9 stealing bases? That means, correct me if I’m wrong, he’s a good base stealer. No? Or am I an idiot? Oh and by the way, no beer for you!

9:36 pm: Mets are going to miss an opportunity to pick up a game on the Phillies. Oh hell.

9:42 pm: the Cubs swept White Sox this weekend. I hope that Ozzie Guillen challenges Jay Mariotti to a duel.

9:43 pm: Toyota Poll tonight: Do you prefer a balanced or unbalanced schedule? Who comes up with this crap?

9:42 pm: Notice the non-chronologic posting. All the clocks in my house are different. And I just moved to another room to escape the heat. Now listening to game on radio. Dog seems happy with decision too.

9:50 pm: Howie Rose and the other play-by-play guy (he’s more irritating than Howie, which is a feat in itself) are pontificating about how much water they need to drink in Colorado. Gee, thanks guys.

9:52 pm: Earlier in the game, Carlos Beltran tried to bunt with men on first and second, no out. He fouled it off and then hit into a fielder’s choice. I would fine him. And bench him. And then force him to read the New York Post sports section on a daily basis. Dog hears people outside, starts barking like crazy. Same way I feel when I think about the Kazmir for Zambrano trade.

9:57 pm: Does anyone like when radio guys laugh into the microphone on air? I don’t. Dog now calmed.

10:00 pm: Claudio Vargas is like Steve Trachsel. Slow and ineffective.

10:13 pm: Who is tradable on the Mets? Schowenweis? Beltran? Sandy Alomar Sr.?

10:21 pm: Mets play the Mariners next week. I hate interleague play. But I love them playing the Mariners. Mets will lose two of three to them at Shea. At least. Do I sound bitter? Because I am.

10:27 pm: Luis Castillo keeps forgetting to cover bases. What the hell?

10:30 pm: David Wright is hitting below .280. The next Met manager (I’ll assume it won’t be Manuel next year) needs to be a fiery motivator. Or someone who is so respected that players will want to play hard for him. Ideas? Oh damn, Jim Riggleman is somewhere already.

10:35 pm: The Mets are doing their best to make this interesting. Bases loaded. No one out. Trot Nixon up. This could cause me to throw my computer. In joy or excitement. Score is still 7-1.

10:37 pm: Down goes Nixon. Endy Chavez up. Hell. Pop out. Two outs. And Robinson Cancel. Pronounced Can-sell. Ain’t that amusing?

10:41 pm: Game over. I’m never blogging again. I jinx the Mets. Actually they’re lolly-gaggers. Guess the movie!