From the Department of Redundancy Department

Something I saw on a newspaper on the way back from lunch inspired me to formally create this list, which previously had had only two static ingredients. The list is a collection of things that people say that are inherently redundant. I do not understand why they say them. The first two, and original, members:

“It’s raining outside.” Oh. Yeah? Where else would it be raining, exactly? In your living room? Maybe in your desk drawer. No, the answer is outside, probably underneath the rainclouds. You don’t need to specify.

“I was just thinking to myself.” I may be behind the curve on this one. Telepathy may actually be quite widespread and I didn’t get the telepathic memo. If this is not the case, however, then you can’t quite be thinking to someone else, can you? You can think aloud, but…that’s what you’re doing as you’re telling me about thinking to yourself. I think by virtue of you saying it, you thought it. (I take that back. Some people do not think before they speak. I stand corrected.)

And finally, the one (a headline!) in a paper that declared that a person had “committed suicide by hanging self.” I’d like to see someone commit suicide by hanging someone else. Maybe by hanging some curtains, or a pronoun. I think we’re all pretty aware of the whole suicide idea and how it is something someone does to one’s self. But thanks for clarifying.